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REVIEW: Lovehoney 7 Inch Curved Silicone Dildo with Suction Cup

 

Specs

Price: $29.99Box

Brand: Lovehoney

Material: silicone

Features: suction cup; anal safe; body safe material; curved for G-spotting; vibrating bullet hole; harness compatible (1.5″ O-Ring)

Circumference: 4.75″

Diameter: 2.5″

Length: 6″ (very deceptive title — I disapprove)

While slightly realistic, this dildo also has a cartoony aspect to its faint realism. Between the slick, narrow head, its slim body, and the curve that resembles a smiley face a little too much, it’s positively cute. The blue-purple colour only adds to the cuteness. The base is a simple circle with a freakishly strong suction cup. It took twenty minutes of me pulling at it before I finally surrendered and it twanged back into place, smiling back at me so condescendingly.

That might’ve been my first “hate” moment with this toy.

The bullet hole in the bottom can accommodate the Tango, but since the hole is fairly short, you can’t use the suction cup and the vibrating hole at the same time. The Tango managed to make it buzz quite pleasantly and it wasn’t half bad for strength, the vibrations traveling all the way through the silicone.

Bullet hole: a hole for bullets
Bullet hole: a hole for bullets

The silicone is matte and incredibly silky smooth, but also very firm, much firmer than any other toy I own despite being relatively slender. Firmer than Tantus silicone and harder than even the Lovehoney Classic Butt Plugs, not to mention feeling like a rock next to my beloved Bandit.

Lovehoney has some nice white box packaging, but this toy was only in a plastic bag inside. At only $30 for a silicone dildo with all these features, I didn’t expect a carrying pouch, but it’s a little sad when you toss dildos into Ziplock.

Speaking of, it’s… downright amazing as a strap-on dildo. Despite not owning a harness myself, I have some friends who were more than willing to try it out and they were very impressed. Other dildos, they said, tended to fall limp or jut out at odd angles or just were a bitch to fit, but this purple beastie stood there, pert and proud, with that stupid grin to its shape.

 

My Thoughts

My vagina is indecisive. It’s a nice dildo, certainly, but my body keeps flip flopping between loving it and hating it. I feel like I’m supposed to fall head over heels with it. It has all the base features for dildos–and then some!–but something just doesn’t seem to jive with me and this dildo.

And it’s even a delightful blue-purple.

I want to hate it. It irritates me. It looks so happy, with its hard, curvy smile and the emblazoned heart on its body.

Heart symbol

But my G-spot loves it and forces me to whimper for this chipper piece of silicone.

The curve is downright perfect for G-spotting. The head is pinpoint and the body is hard enough to provide a nice, strong pressure without incurring injury. The shaft is not quite as inflexible as glass, but is hard enough that the small head can still rub and thrust where it needs to go without bending.

Paired with the Tango, it takes my regular G-spot orgasms (which are powerful all to themselves) to incredible heights, to the point where I think I might honestly squirt like a fountain. Normally, when I use a bullet-powered toy and I leave my clit bereft of Tango, I miss it desperately and eventually wrench it out of the toy and give it back to my clit, but not this time. I didn’t miss it at all and it still managed to glue me to the ceiling.

It works great as a nice warm-up dildo if I’m not too ready for the Bandit’s girth, but easily works as a toy all to itself. I won’t even lie, though. I bought it as my first long-ish anal toy and doesn’t work too well anally, for all the reasons that it’s so magnificent at G-spotting. The hardness and sharp curve makes it a regular pain in the ass and I spent many frustrated masturbation sessions with it anally before I finally succumbed, boiled it, and decided to use it for its intended purpose.

I don’t use the suction cup all that much because it’s not my thing–I prefer to masturbate lying down–but it’s sturdy as all hell and I’ve heard similar spectacular things about its use in a strap-on harness.

lengthwise

Goddamn, why is it so determined to make me like it?

My only complaint, and it’s not really a complaint I have any right to make about this toy, is that it’s too small for my tastes. However, if it were larger or thicker, providing a satisfyingly full feeling, it wouldn’t have nearly the same G-spotting super powers as it does now, so it’s a trade off, but not one my body is always prepared to make. I like girth as well as hard G-spotting, which is why it makes me cringe when I’m up late at night, lusting over the thin infamous Pure Wand.

It also has a long, overly descriptive name, which has become my new pet peeve for dildos. It’s a small, purple, cartoony dick. You might as well call it fucking Barney.

 

Care and Storage

Matte smooth and made of Lovehoney’s miraculous lint-repelling silicone, the thing can be cleaned regularly with toy cleaner or soap and water, but should be given a healthy sterilizing from time to time. Boiling water, rubbing alcohol, or a 10% bleach are your best bets for it. I personally get a pot of boiling water going for half the day when I’m testing stuff out, but don’t leave any bullets in the hole when cleaning.

Use a water-based lubricant only, or water-based anal if you want to try it out like that. Silicone will ruin the material.

Without a storage bag, this one lives in a big clear Ziplock bag, at least until I manage to find orgazma bags or satin at an affordable price around town.

 

Conclusion

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It’s so tasty. I hate it.

I hate the pretending-to-be-purple-but-actually-blue colour. I hate how it makes me whimper. I hate how it makes me cum so powerfully. I hate that it’s such an affordable price. I hate how optimistic it looks, reminding me that days are filled with sunshine and doors are made for opening. I hate how it turns me into a writhing puddle of goo without my Tango on my clit.

And I hate how its smile seems to know exactly how much I love to hate-fuck it.

 

Buy Only at Lovehoney

Lovehoney US

Lovehoney UK

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